by Jack Lakeman, DP Editor-in-Chief,
Tuesday, December 10, 2013,
(CLEVELAND, OH) —Unlike President Obama’s infamous July 4th open mic “faux pas,” which went viral in a matter of hours, little has been heard about Michelle Obama’s comments to the children gathered around her during this year’s National Christmas Tree last Friday.
First Lady Michelle Obama has urged America’s children to refer to Christmas as many things other than “Christmas” in years past; her most notorious suggestion being that people call Christmas and the Christmas season “Ambiguously Particular Days” two years ago. Now Mrs. Obama is going further, reportedly asking the children huddled by her side during Friday’s White House Christmas tree lighting to refer to Christmas as “Plausible Deity Recognition Day.”
Reporters close to Mrs. Obama managed to pick up her lecture in between her reading Christmas carols to the fourth grade children of Washington’s Tubman Elementary School Friday evening. “Now don’t forget, children, Christmas might be a national holiday, and you all may celebrate it, but more and more people don’t celebrate Christmas, or celebrate something else,” said the First Lady to a group of wide-eyed nine and ten-year-olds Friday. “This is why it is important that you respect everyone’s beliefs, even during Christmas. So I urge you all to call Christmas ‘Plausible Deity Recognition Day’.” After all, who are we to say if there is a higher power or not? And is that higher power Jesus or not? Who’s to know for sure? We don’t know.”
Continued Mrs. Obama, according to AP reporters, “...Maybe Buddha or Ganesh or, hey, even Muhammad is the true son of God —if there even is a ‘god.’ But we don’t know. That’s my point. So instead of saying ‘Merry Christmas’ you should all say ‘Happy Plausible Deity Recognition Day’! ...It’s festive and fun. Try it!”
And Mrs. Obama is apparently just getting started with enlightening the nation’s children of her newest of non-offensive new names for Christmas. “I plan on touring the nation this season to spread the word about how people can refer to Christmas without offending others,” Mrs. Obama told reporters after the National Christmas tree lighting ceremony, adding that she and her staff have a litany of states and schools to visit (mostly in the South) in the coming two weeks, all in order to enlighten children on the true way to address those who may not be Christian or celebrate Christmas.
Back at Tubman Elementary School, parents of the children who attended the National Christmas Tree lighting as well as those who did not are already “feeling” the affects of the First Lady’s advice, as well as faculty and staff.
“Yes, he’s my son, but I still want to choke him when he starts with that ‘Possible Deity’ crap!” said a clearly disgusted Trisha Jones to Duh Progressive, Tuesday. Jones is the mother of 9-year-old Dion Jones, whom although did not attend the National Christmas tree lighting last Friday, is friends with some of the 16 fourth graders who did; consequently hearing Michelle Obama’s ‘plausible deity’ lecture. Young Dion has picked up the new "lingo" from his friends who were fortunate enough to be with the First Family last Friday.
"I come from a long line of good, proud, down-home God-fearing Southern Baptists,” Mrs. Jones said. “We voted for Obama, yeah. But what (Michelle Obama) is telling the kids to say about the day of my Lord’s birth is disgraceful!”
“I would like to lend my opinion on my students now running around saying ‘Happy Plausible Deity Recognition Day’,” said Margaret Leighy, a science teacher at Tubman Elementary, “...but I can’t because I’d certainly face ‘plausible termination.’ That’s all I have to say about it.”
Added Leighy, “Oh, what the hell? —better to just to go with the flow. So ‘Happy Plausible Deity Recognition Season’!”
UPDATE: Tubman Elementary science teacher Margaret Leighy was ‘plausibly’ released from her teaching position Tuesday evening for her comments on Michelle Obama’s ‘Plausible Deity Recognition’ suggestion. Leighy never expressed an opinion on the matter; just mentioned it. ...So “Happy Addressing Something Season”, everyone!