by Ibrahim al-Lincoln, DP official Muslim Civil War Re-Enactor (ever paper needs one)
Thursday, April 18th, 2013,
(BOSTON) —Maintaining the sense of respect and classiness for which he is world renowned, President Obama left his most bellicose statements for the terrorist(s) behind the Boston Marathon bombing out of his speech at the city’s Cathedral of the Holy Cross Thursday. The President addressed an audience of hundreds, including many who had been wounded or lost loved ones in Monday’s first terrorist attack on U.S. soil since September 11, 2001.
But shortly after boarding Air Force One on his way back from the memorial service, Obama spoke to reporters, angrily declaring, “Going after innocent civilians like this is not only evil but promotes ‘unhealthy lifestyles.’ It tarnished the spirit of what marathons represent in the first place —keeping fit, staying healthy. It’s sad to think of how many overweight people or children will never take up running now because they’ll be thinking of the Boston Marathin bombing every time they start to run.”
Obama added his most dire warnings and predictions to date for the perpetrators of the bombing Thursday afternoon. “Listen,” said Obama in mid-flight, “let’s get real here: these bastards will not get away with this! We will hunt them down and bring them to justice…just like we did in Libya. We’ll get to the bottom of this just like in Benghazi!”
Identifying, finding, and bringing the Boston terrorist(s) to trial, if not “more,” like the White House did so triumphantly in reaction to the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya is sure to strike fear not only in the Boston bomber(s), but terrorists everywhere who may be planning on attacking the U.S., according to State Department Spokesperson Jen Psaki on MSNBC’s All In With Chris Hayes Thursday night. “Just the thought of how well we dealt with the September 11 Benghazi attacks would be enough to intimidate any terrorist planning to harm Americans, at home or abroad. The President is right to say they should not just be fearful, but ‘Benghazi fearful.’”
Still sharing Psaki’s confidence, MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell of The Last Word With Lawrence O’Donnell held a more cautionary take on Monday’s bombing which left three people dead and over 170 injured, many severely. Said O’Donnell Thursday night, “After seeing how fiercely and thoroughly the (Obama administration) investigated and brought the killers of Ambassador Stevens to justice, I don’t see how anyone would have dared carry out a terrorist attack ever again, anywhere. Ever. But yet they did. Kind of makes you wonder, huh?”
However longtime al-Qaeda terrorist and Yemeni resident Ammar Abdulmughni said that the White House’s threat to go after the Boston terrorists “like the way they did in Benghazi” has rattled him to the core, regardless of who is responsible for the Boston Marathon bombing, being it Muslim radicals or militia-style Right wing extremists. Said Abdulmughni to Duh Progressive from a secret location outside Yemen’s capital Friday, “To tell you the truth, I’m thinking of getting out of this whole terrorism thing. Hearing those terrorists in Boston are going to suffer the same fate those who made the attack on the Americans in Benghazi was just too much to take. I’m just too scared now to go on.”
Adbulmughni, 34, joined al-Qaeda after the U.S. invasion of Iraq, involving himself in numerous attacks against coalition forces and “soft targets” (such as the Boston Marathon) in Islamic countries aiding the West. “I thought the way the American government responded to the Benghazi attacks was terrifying enough. Now Obama’s threatening to do it again! I don’t wanna end up like those poor bastards! No way! Looks like it’s back to raising alpaca prostitutes for me.”
David Sirota, a Denver-based author, commentator and liberal talk show host said Thursday that although he’s still praying that the Boston perpetrator(s) are White Americans, even if they discovered to be Muslims from the Middle East, “I still hope they’re punished as hard as the administration punished not only the Benghazi attackers, but worse, those who carried out Fast and Furious, too..!” said Siorta Thursday.
“But it really doesn’t matter who or what religion the terrorists are,” said Siorta on his afternoon drive time show. “We all know who the people ultimately responsible are, where they are, how to get them, and what to do when we find them. Yes, folks, I’m talking life sentences —no parole!— in prison for the Muhammad spoof film maker and the heads of the NRA! …Those murdering, bloodthirsty bastards!”